Friday, May 21, 2010

#3 - Dinosaur

Annnnnnnd we're back.

Last post, we looked at one of my favorite attractions: Indiana Jones and the Temple of the Forbidden Eye. Believe it or not, this same exact ride track (and ride vehicle) is in Walt Disney World's Animal Kingdom in the form of "Dinosaur." And while Indiana Jones succeeds on nearly every level, Dinosaur completely fails.

The queue for Dinosaur is set in the Dino Institute. Emphasis on institute. The coldness and institutionalism found in the queue is miles away from the imaginative adventurism of the Indiana Jones queue. And while it is not fair to compare the two attractions, I feel that I must. Disney has proven that they can get it so right. (Whatever "it" is.) It's important to ask how they can get it so wrong. And when two attractions share so much in common, and differ so completely in entertainment value... well, I just don't know WHAT to say.

The premise: one scientist wants you to go back in time, capture a dinosaur, and bring it back to now-ish. To study it? To dress it up and make it do tricks? No harm can come of this, I'm sure. Have we not SEEN Jurassic Park, people???

Anyway, this is a dark ride in every sense of the word. Pitch black. My poor eyes could barely make out the 65-million-year-old threats around me. There's lots of pitching and swerving—all while the scientist is trying to throw one-liners over the loudspeakers. Like this is some sort of "Jungle Cruise in Hell" or something. "Not our dino..." Yeah, thanks. I can't even see anything, so I'm glad SOMEONE can!

There's a photo to buy—which I'm usually a total sucker for. But why would I want to remember this forgettable eye-aching, neck-breaking waste of technology

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